if only I’d known…

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I read today that Aptaclub have launched a new app called ‘preparing for birth’. this time last year, I was almost 39 weeks pregnant, lying low and preparing the last things before the birth. I had no idea when (or how) the baby would come. reading my archives, I wrote about abandoning the books that were making me anxious and trusting my body would know what to do.

if I were pregnant again now, I think I’d find such an app comforting (or at least compelling to use). I certainly used a variety of phone apps, none of which were perfect, including contraction timers, but I preferred them to the books. books were imperfect, bossy and meant turning the light on.

looking back on that time before the birth, when I was so anxious to meet the baby, I wish I’d known to spend just a few more minutes relishing being the two of us, revelling in my freedom and glorying in my own-ness. not that I don’t love being three, but I’ve also well documented how exposing I’ve found motherhood.

and yet, if only I’d known that I’d come face to face with my worst traits, be searching for my self-confidence and writing about how difficult I have found motherhood, would I have done anything different?

no.

but what I do wish I’d known was this. time off is important; both time off on your own and time off from being parents. accept help. motherhood is hard. it’s even harder when you don’t have any space. it’s not selfish to find that space, it’s essential.

This post is The Little Pip’s entry into the Aptaclub ‘If Only I’d Known…’ competition

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